Jungkook didn't consider himself a liar. Or a breaker of promises. But the more he thought about it, the more he didn't see why they should follow Jimin's rules. They both obviously enjoyed each other, so he didn't see why they had to end the way they had been doing things.
So, no, he wasn't a liar. Or a promise breaker. But he was a negotiator.
A negotiator who considered it his job to get his friend to see reason.
That's the task he was working on tonight. A day after they had promised to abstain from each other and their physical relationship.
They had just completed a long day of promoting their new album. It was around three a.m. and he was in Jimin's room, determined to get him to acknowledge him. A feat that was proving difficult even though he was pressed against his hyung's side in Jimin's bedroom. His arm and leg thrown across the other man.
“Jiminie-hyung,” he whispered, pressing his body closer to Jimin who was lying on his back with his phone raised above his head. He pressed buttons furiously as he played a silly game about fighting off what looked like jelly beans. His focus was honed in on his screen as he was intent on meeting whatever silly objective the game demanded.
“Mm,” Jimin responded in a noncommittal manner.
Jungkook pressed his lips together in a pout. Jimin was obviously ignoring him. They both knew why he was here tonight. So he didn't make any pretense.
He moved his head forward and nuzzled his nose against Jimin's neck.
No response. Jimin stayed focused on his game.
“Jimin~” Jungkook whined, pressing his body closer still until he was halfway on top of the older man.
“What, baby?” Jimin asked.
Jungkook almost thought he was getting somewhere until he lifted his head and saw that Jimin was still looking at his phone screen, responding to him casually. As if they were still just best friends and nothing more. Which...they were. But it was still annoying Jungkook in this moment. How could he be so blasé? Jungkook hadn't been able to think about anything except the night before all day.
He decided to try another tactic.
He laid on his side, still pressed against Jimin's body, and looked up at the phone screen along with his hyung. “What are you playing?” he asked.
“Martians,” Jimin responded.
“Martians?” Jungkook asked, surprised. He pointed at the gelatin globs of colorful goo moving across the screen. “Those are supposed to be martians? I thought they were jelly beans.”
Jimin chuckled. “Who says they can't be martians. You don't know what martians look like. You've never seen them.”
Jungkook lifted his brows in acquiescence, conceding to that fact.
He moved away from the topic of weird-looking martians. “Must be a pretty fun game,” he muttered.
“Why do you say that?” Jimin asked, making many of the small villains explode with the expert movement of his fingers.
“Because you're ignoring me,” Jungkook stated.
Jimin was silent for a second. “I'm not ignoring you,” he replied.
“Then why aren't you paying attention to me?” Jungkook asked, not letting up.
“Because you're being a brat.”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
“How?”
Jimin sighed. “You know how.”
“No, I don't.”
Jimin finally paused his game and turned his head to look at Jungkook. He glanced down for only a second to look at Jungkook's pink lips, but he quickly looked up to meet his eyes again. Their faces were close, their noses almost brushing but Jimin didn't pull back. For some reason, he felt like it would be a point against him in this sudden match they were having if he pulled back.
“It hasn't even been a full 24 hours,” Jimin finally said, addressing the elephant in the room. “You promised.”
“Yeah,” Jungkook admitted. “But I've been thinking...what's so wrong with what we're doing?”
Jimin sighed again. “I told you-”
“You want me to experience a real relationship and you don't want this to hold me back, right,” Jungkook interrupted. “But I can just promise not to let this hold me back. I've never thought it was. Because we've never considered this to be anything serious, right? We're just helping each other out. I promise that when I find someone I'm really interested in, I'll stop coming to you.”
Jimin tried not to allow the words to hurt. They were just the truth.
“And if you find someone else, we'll stop,” Jungkook continued.
“How can I believe that?” Jimin argued. “How can I believe that when I've already asked for us to end it and you're back here again?”
“Because there's no point, hyung!” Jungkook argued back, his voice strong and determined as if his point of view was the right point of view. No question. “There's no point in stopping if neither of us have a real reason to yet. Why should we? You like it too.”
Jimin didn't want to be the kind of person who went back on his word – especially when his word hadn't even had time to properly cement itself – but he was facing unfair circumstances. His favorite person in the whole world was coming to him and tempting him when his feelings hadn't had time to settle yet. When he had barely had anymore time to think.
The whole day he had been plagued by the memories of the night before, wondering when he could have something like that again.
'I'm so weak,' Jimin mourned as he looked into Jungkook's cocoa brown eyes. He mourned his barely hardened resolve.
When Jungkook began to move toward him, he let it happen. When Jungkook's hand laid gently on his cheek to help guide their lips together, Jimin released one last statement of resistance. “Last time,” he breathed.
“Last time,” Jungkook agreed. More as a reassurance to Jimin than as a hard-and-fast promise.
He felt any lingering tension leave Jimin's body and he took that as permission to act. Moving forward, he pressed an open-mouthed kiss against Jimin's lips – gentle and slow. Jimin opened his lips to better accommodate Jungkook's own and they began to move in that familiar and synonymous rhythm.
Jimin pushed all resistance and doubt to the back of his mind. He would beat himself up about it later. For now, he would just give in.
* * *
America – 2 Days Later
Jimin twisted his body from side-to-side, doing a quick stretch while staff rushed around the dressing room. Cameras were around today, but he found it pretty easy to ignore them. He was so used to being filmed. He never forgot them though. He was always just a little more bright, a little more playful for the cameras. For the fans.
He looked around the room, only seeing Seokjin sitting on a couch situated against the wall of the dressing room. He was scrolling through his phone. He had no idea where the other members were. Around here somewhere.
They were getting ready to do an online interview.
He hated those.
So much preparation for material that would only wind up being about two minutes in length after editing.
“Jimin-hyung.”
'Oh no,' Jimin thought. But he couldn't keep the small smile from quirking his lips upwards as he heard the tell-tale sound of Jungkook's voice coming through the door.
The only time Jungkook came to find him on camera was when he wanted to be a brat.
Jimin turned to face him, already steeling himself for some sort of teasing while a playful and indulgent smile adorned his face. “What?” he asked.
The cameraman walked closer towards them, wanting their interaction captured.
“If you had any kind of super power, what would you want to have?” Jungkook asked.
Jimin had no idea where this question was coming from, but he didn't mind playing along. He slid his hands into his pockets and gave it a bit of thought. “Mmm...Mind reading,” he finally settled on. “Because then I wouldn't have to guess about anything in life. I'd just know.”
Jungkook jumped on his answer. “What am I thinking right now?”
“How am I supposed to know?” Jimin asked, amused. “I said I wanted the power; it's not like I already have it.”
“No, but what do you think I'm thinking?”
“That I'm handsome,” Jimin playfully teased.
Jungkook smiled until his eyes crinkled, a laugh following. “No,” he said with a small shake of his head. “Besides that.”
“Besides that?” Jimin asked with a slight widening of his eyes. “So you think I'm handsome?”
“Of course, hyung.”
Jimin put a hand over his face, hiding a smile but his eyes gave it away. “Why are you being like this today?” Jimin asked.
But he never figured out what got into Jungkook that day because Seokjin spoke up from his spot across the room. “Know what superpower I'd like to have?” he asked. The camera turned his way.
“What?” Jungkook asked.
“The power to disappear and get away from you two.”
* * *
“You got people shipping us again,” Jimin said with a pout that night as they laid in his hotel room.
The interview had already been posted onto YouTube with the behind-the-scenes as a separate video. That's the one that was circulating on Twitter with the hashtag of Jikook following it, spreading like wildfire.
Jungkook chuckled and moved closer so that he could see the screen of Jimin's phone.
He was lying on his back beside him with his own phone out, messaging his brother.
“What are they saying?” he asked.
“The usual,” Jimin said, a smile pulling at his lips. “That you're whipped for me. Look at this one.” He laughed as he held the phone over for Jungkook to see. It was an edit of Jimin and Jungkook staring at each other and smiling then it was overlaid with the sound of a record scratching to an end and then a zoom-in on Seokjin's annoyed face and the audio “Fuck this shit, I'm out” playing over Seokjin standing up from the couch.
Jimin and Jungkook snickered together. They always found it amusing, the edits that their fans put together.
Jimin pulled his phone back and pouted playfully. “Stop flirting with me on camera.”
Jungkook scoffed. “Me? You started it! I was just asking a simple question.”
“Whatever,” Jimin said with a soft voice. “You always do that.”
“Do what?”
“That. Act innocent when you know what you're doing.”
Jungkook put his phone to the side and turned to Jimin. “What am I doing?” He threw his leg across Jimin's body and pulled him close. The older man groaned.
“Stop~” he whined unconvincingly, already putting his own phone off to the side.
“Last time,” Jungkook said with a smirk, hovering over Jimin.
“You've said that the last three nights,” Jimin said, wrapping his arms around Jungkook's waist.
“I mean it this time,” Jungkook lied. They both knew it was a lie, but Jungkook knew saying it gave Jimin some false sense of relief.
“...Okay,” Jimin whispered, his breath fanning against Jungkook's lips.
As he had in the nights before, Jungkook pressed his lips against Jimin's and they kissed with slow, languid passion. Things had become different between them ever since their night of intercourse. They didn't rush to get each other to climax like they usually did. In fact, neither of them took things farther than the play of their tongues and lips. That night of intercourse had been their first and last.
Jimin's hands slid gently along Jungkook's back as he lost himself to the kiss. He allowed all thoughts to completely disappear from his mind. All he knew was Jungkook's lips, Jungkook's tongue, Jungkook's breathing. Jimin wasn't sure how long they made out like that until Jungkook was parting their lips.
And Jimin confessed without shame, “I feel like I could kiss you forever.” His voice was a low whisper, but Jungkook heard him clearly. It made the younger man feel a rush of warmth and satisfaction. “Is that weird?”
“No,” Jungkook answered, his voice just as intimate. Because he felt the same way. He placed another kiss on Jimin's lips before he leaned over to turn the lights off, shrouding them in darkness.
Then they resumed what they were doing until they fell asleep in each other's arms.
* * *
Present - Jimin's POV:
A bucket hat, mask, large jacket, and black pants. These are my items of disguise as I make my way, alone, down the streets of New York.
It's actually quite freeing to be in America because no one really recognizes us as individuals here besides our dedicated fans. And though they are many and passionate, they don't make up the majority of the general population of America who only know us as the unit – BTS. I guess someone could consider this as something to be sad about, but I tend to see the positive. Which is this. The freedom to go somewhere alone and meet a friend.
Well...we are still advised not to go anywhere alone. I kind of sneaked out. But still...This is a positive, and I'm sticking to it. Covered head-to-toe as I am, my anonymity is guaranteed. At least I hope so.
When I meet Taemin at the agreed upon restaurant, I'm happy.
“Did you get here okay?” the other man asks as I sit down. His hair is newly dyed red in preparation for his upcoming comeback.
“Yeah,” I respond, sitting down.
We are in a well-lit and upscale restaurant. I take off all of my layers to fit the atmosphere, trusting that no one will disturb me in this setting even if I am recognized. The worst that could happen would be a secretly-taken photo but I figure that would only get me a scolding from my manager, and maybe Namjoon, for sneaking out. Nothing too bad. Because there is nothing wrong with having brunch with a friend.
“You look great as usual,” Taemin compliments the minute I settle into my seat.
A blush spreads across my cheeks and I duck my head slightly. I don't like to play demure in front of my long-time friend, but it can't be helped when he has me trapped under a lingering stare, watching to see what my reaction will be like a mischievous cat playing with his food.
“Thanks,” I respond, pulling at the long sleeves of my black turtleneck. I don't think there's much to be complimented on since I had only been able to slap on a layer of foundation and the most basic of outfits but...I'll take what I could get.
“Did you miss me?” Taemin asks, a teasing smirk still lightly playing on his lips. He must be in a mood today.
This time, I am better prepared – newly equipped after Taemin's last surprise attack. Strapped with the weapons needed to parry a light strike. “I always miss you,” I say, meeting his gaze with a smirk of my own. “It gets a bit repetitive seeing the same six faces day-in and day-out. It's always refreshing to come out and meet someone new. Especially one of my favorite friends.”
Taemin smiles, seemingly flattered to hear such a remark.
Our starting conversation is interrupted for a moment with the arrival of a waiter asking what we would like to drink. I allow Taemin to order a sparkling water for the table. I would rather have wine, but I decide to keep that to myself.
“Trust me,” Taemin says. “You'll miss those six faces once you stop seeing them all the time.”
I cross my legs and pull my sleeves over my hands, settling into my seat. I know Taemin is right. I already miss those six faces even though we haven't separated yet. I lie in bed some nights just dreading the day when we'll disband, get married, have families and children – lives away from each other. I like to tell myself that we will always continue to meet up regularly no matter what, but there's a part of me that also whispers to me telling me that that's not how life works. We'll always love each other, but I don't doubt that there will come a time when we stop meeting as much. When we stop texting and calling. When reunions will become few and far between.
My mind immediately flits to Jungkook. The kid already barely leaves his room or house unless prodded to do so, preferring to stay inside to work on his million and one creative projects. Who will make sure he maintains his social life and doesn't grow up to be a hermit if I'm not there to do it?
“It's about that time for you guys, isn't it?” Taemin asks. “When does Seokjin leave for the military?”
“After this album,” Jimin says, not wanting to be reminded of it. I already see Seokjin's departure as the first crack in our unit. Until we all start to splinter apart.
“And then what's the plan?” Taemin asks. “Sub-units? Solo projects? Are the rest of you going to stagger your military enlistment or enter at the same time?”
Under the weight of Taemin's scrutiny, I crack my knuckles. These are the kind of questions I try not to think too hard about until I have to. “Umm...I don't know...” I say. I'm pretty sure, though, that I'll enlist in the military whenever Taehyung and Jungkook do. I've always held it as an unspoken agreement that we're entering together. I hope they're of the same mind. I'm sure they are.
'But then...What about Hoseok? Will he enter before us or wait for us? I tend to rely on Hoseok to help me clear my thoughts after Jungkook scrambles them.' I swallow deeply, my thoughts starting to spiral.
And this is exactly why I try not to think about the future. The nearing future.
Something must read on my face because Taemin decides to grant me a reprieve. “Okay,” he says. “That's fine. We probably shouldn't be talking about work right now. Just...start thinking about where you want to be once this period of your life is over.”
I give Taemin a weak smile, happy to dismiss this conversation. I don't plan to give up music anytime soon and that's all I know at this moment. “Okay, hyung,” I say.
There's something else I'd rather get my senior's advice on anyway. Something not in the professional field but in the personal one.
“Hyung...”
The waiter comes by again and takes our order. I, again, let Taemin handle it. I'm not familiar with this restaurant. And I don't want to struggle with English. When the waiter is gone once again, I continue. “Have you ever managed to date successfully after becoming successful as an idol? I mean, like, a long-term thing. I know you've dated here and there but I don't know if you've ever mentioned anything serious.”
Taemin seems to be taken aback by the sudden question for a moment before he smiles. “Why do you ask?” he asks. “Are you interested?”
I'm again taken off-guard. My eyes widen and all I can do is balk and stutter before releasing a surprised laugh. “What?” I ask.
Taemin laughs along with me. And we let the moment pass, an ambiguous air hanging ignored over the table.
“Mmm...” Taemin hums as he thinks. “I can't say that I have, no,” he finally says. “Not since becoming popular.”
I nod, waiting for another prod from him because my tongue doesn't want to move of its own volition.
“Why do you ask?” the prod comes. “Having relationship problems?”
“Sort of...” I don't know how to talk about what Jungkook and I have. How does one convey all of the intricacies of a relationship such as ours into a measly combination of words fit into the dinner of a few minutes? “And I wouldn't really say 'problems'.”
“Okay...” He's obviously confused. Of course he's confused. “So what non-problems do you want to talk about?”
The arrival of the food gives me a moment to think about how best to address how best to present my situation to Taemin. After the food is delivered and the first few bites have been taken, I start. “Okay,” I say. “So I've been seeing someone I work closely with.” I'm proud of the way I word that. Because “someone I work closely with” could be anyone on BigHit's staff payroll.
Taemin nods, following the story. “Define 'seeing'.”
I knew this question was coming, but I still blush a bit when I say, “I guess the best way to define it would be...friends with benefits.” Except it's not. It's more, but I can't explain all of the complexities so I just whiddle everything down to the most basic form. Friends with benefits.
“Okay,” Taemin says with a nod, consistently nudging me forward. I appreciate the help.
“Well...I ended it recently because I felt like we should both get the fair chance to establish a real relationship with someone. You know...Free from...whatever this thing we have is...”
Taemin nods. “Understandable.”
“I thought so too. And I was really planning to stay away but...It's hard when we work so closely together you know and...he- I mean, this person...came back the very next night and...we made out. And have been every night since.”
A moment of silence passes in which I'm pretty sure Taemin is just sitting and taking in the information. His facial expression doesn't tell me much. Only a slight hitch of his brow lets me know that he's mulling things over.
“And...what exactly do you need my advice on?” he finally asks.
“Well...” I don't really know. I kind of just had to tell someone my situation. “Do you think it's bad...to do what we're doing?”
“Mmm...I don't see why it would be since both of you are single. Right?”
I nod.
“And do you enjoy what you have together? Are you happy?”
“I enjoy being close to him- I mean, that person...like that. But I don't think I'm happy, no.”
“Because you want more?” Taemin asks. “You like him? I mean...That person?”
I blush as Taemin smirks, and I know my secret's out.
“It's okay,” Taemin says. “I kind of suspected you were into men.”
“How?”
“Okay...Maybe I hoped.”
“Why?”
He only smirks again. It's getting annoying. And he moves on from that topic, leaving things ambiguous again.
I find that I don't mind Taemin knowing about my sexuality. I trust him.
“So you want to be more with that person?” Taemin asks again.
I purse my lips, thinking. 'Do I want to be more with Jungkook? Do I want him to be my boyfriend?' My heart stutters and my stomach roils with the mere thought. It makes me happy, scared, and nervous. “...I don't know,” I answer.
“If the risks weren't so high,” I continue. “I would love to be with this person. But we can't. The risks are too high, so I feel like I should end things sooner rather than later. For both of us.”
I keep my eyes away from Taemin's gaze. I feel that he is watching me closely. “It's another idol?”
I take a deep breath, deciding to trust Taemin all the way and tell him everything. “Worse than that.”
Taemin takes in a large inhale as well. “He's in BTS.” When I fix Taemin with a meaningful look, he nods. “Jungkook.”
I lower my eyes, a little ashamed. “Is it that obvious?”
Taemin chuckles and twists noodles around his fork. I haven't eaten a bite of my own food. “It's not obvious on the surface...but in hindsight, yes.” Taemin purses his lips in thought. “So you have feelings for him...as more than a friend...” he clarifies, making sure he has everything correct. Going over the confessions like a cautious detective.
I find no reason to deny the truth. “Yes,” I admit. “I have for a while.”
“Does Jungkook have feelings for you?”
“I think he does. But I also think he may just be confused...” I admit again. “Like...I have this guilt because I feel like I almost took advantage of him by starting this when he was so young and shy and innocent. I feel like he's just clinging to me because I'm all that he knows in that sense. And all that he's comfortable with.”
Realization settles in my stomach as my feelings and insecurities become clearer the more I speak. I always knew there had been something bothering me about my bond with the youngest member, but the clarity of self-aware doubt had not fully hit me until this moment where I began voicing my worries aloud. And now I know why I needed to tell someone at this time. I simply need to string all of my muddled thoughts and feelings into an organized set of subjects and verbs so that maybe I can make some sense of all of this.
And maybe Taemin can help me to put it into perspective as well.
I look up at him now, wondering what he has to say about my theory. Somewhere inside I hope that he'll reassure me that I'm wrong and that I'm just thinking too much. That reassurance doesn't come. Only the truth.
“It's possible,” he says.
My heart drops.
“Speaking from experience,” he continues. “Idol life can be lonely. All we do is practice, perform, eat, and sleep. And it's sometimes hard to fit meaningful relationships in between all of that. Sometimes even hard to schedule a hook-up, so – believe it or not – it's not uncommon for group members or labelmates to experiment amongst themselves. I actually know of a few people...”
“You do?” I ask. Happy on one hand because I'm not the only one facing a similar situation but sad and confused on the other to think that maybe a relationship that's so important to me has solely been built on a foundation of convenience and out-of-control hormones.
“Yeah,” Taemin says. “But I think, for you, the thing to think about is whether it matters what caused your feelings to develop. Maybe the only thing that matters is that you have those feelings now.”
That statement settles with me, makes me think.
“You know what I mean?” Taemin continues. “Maybe fate put you in a group together with your one true love. Maybe you were meant to come to rely on Jungkook and he on you by the world forcing you two together. So maybe Jungkook initially connected with you on a purely physical and shallow level but who's to say that connection hasn't grown to be something real at this point? Right?”
My head spins as I try to think through everything that Taemin is saying. My dropped heart slowly begins to rise again. “...Right. But wait...So what do I do?”
Taemin shrugs. “You can either keep doing what you've been doing – except try to make it official since that seems to be something that's important to you. Or try to explore your feelings apart from each other like you originally intended by attempting to end it. That way, you can find out if it's...fake love, fake love, fake love~” I throw my napkin at Taemin as he finishes that statement in song.
Taemin chuckles, but he continues seriously. “It's really up to you.”
I sigh and rub my hand through my hair since the conclusion we have come to is pretty much the same one I have been struggling with all along.
Taemin leans forward on his elbows. “And now that I've played the impartial best friend...” he says, meeting my eyes. “I'd like to say something else.”
I wait for him to continue.
“I kind of hope you choose the latter option. Because I'd like to throw my hat in the ring.”
My mind, whirling from the conversation of a few seconds before takes a moment to catch up.
Confusion must be transmitted on my face because Taemin continues, “I want to date you, Jimin,” he clarifies. “Seriously.” His eyes burn with a secret determination. “So if you're free to opening your heart to other possibilities, I'm here.”
The floor disappears from underneath my feet.
* * *
Present – 45 Minutes Later
“Where have you been?” Namjoon asked when Jimin arrived back at the hotel suite where they had agreed to meet 15 minutes before traveling to their first scheduled interview that morning. Jimin cringed beneath his mask, hoping he wasn't late. When he checked the time on his cell phone and saw that he wasn't, he breathed a silent sigh of relief. At least he didn't have to feel guilty about that.
“Went out to eat brunch at a restaurant,” Jimin answered, leaving out the fact that he had a brunch partner. He didn't want to face any questions about that when he had a lot of questions to straighten out himself.
But he was still met with an interrogation. “Without me?” Jungkook questioned with a huge pout on his face.
Jimin's eyes landed on the big baby and he couldn't help but to smile. “I'll take you next time,” he said walking over and stroking his hand through Jungkook's hair, which was still a mess from sleeping. A content expression came over the younger one's face and he let his body relax back onto the cushions of the couch he was sitting on.
“What about me?” Seokjin asked from somewhere in the corner of the room.
“Buy your own food,” Jimin retorted with no hesitation.
“The favoritism in this house is out of control,” Seokjin grumbled.
But Jimin tuned his grumbles out. He stared at Jungkook as he continued to play with his hair, wondering which course of action to take.
To be Continued...
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