Brazen Love [Chapter 9]

 

Chapter 9:

Hwang Bo couldn’t say anything. Hyun Joong continued to stare at her expectantly, waiting for her expression of shock to change to one of happiness. Her eyes started to dart around as if looking for some method of escape. Hyun Joong started to feel his chest tighten, he held up the hand he had been keeping in his lap, “Look, Buin, I’m already wearing mine.” She took a large swallow of water like it was the last she would get in days in the heat of the desert. “Buin...”

Hwang Bo held up her hand to stop Hyun Joong from speaking for a moment. She looked at his insecure and confused expression and didn’t know what to do. She tried to smile reassuringly, but she could feel that it failed miserably. “I need to go to the restroom,” Hwang Bo said, hurriedly getting up to leave and think. Hyun Joong looked at the ring she had left behind. 'Isn’t this what she wanted?’ he wondered.

Hwang Bo burst into the bathroom and stopped in front of the long row of mirrors that walled the sinks. She leaned over a sink, holding herself up by the rim of the sink finding the strength of her legs alone suddenly insufficient to support her weight. She remembered her words from years ago on WGM ~I expected the ring in the food~. She shuddered in a hollow breath, tears burning at the back of her eyes and pain from the depths of her heart threatening in the base of her throat. She couldn’t swallow, she couldn’t breathe. “I shouldn’t have let these years happen,” she gasped out in a whisper. “I shouldn’t have been so selfish. I knew it was a bad idea from the start, but it’s so hard to be without him.” She pulled herself up and stood up straight. She turned on the water and let it run cold, she ran her hands under the cold water and put her now cold hands against her cheeks. “I have to end this,” she said, staring her reflection in the eye noticing that her eyes were red-rimmed from the strain of holding back tears. “I have to end this,” she said more strongly as she headed back into the restaurant.

Hwang Bo walked back to the table. Hyun Joong managed to produce a smile, ignoring the feeling that something was wrong. “Are you okay, Buin?” he asked. She didn’t answer and just sat down. Hyun Joong looked at the ring and then back at Hwang Bo, indicating that she should put it on. When she didn’t move, Hyun Joong picked up the ring and reached across the table to lift her hand. Hwang Bo quickly took her hand out of his. “I’m sorry, Hyun Joong,” she said, before she could stop herself.

Hyun Joong froze, his skin felt too tight, his clothes felt too close, his brain felt too slow. “Sorry...sorry about what?” he asked, the ring still held out to her, his hand still reaching out for hers.

“I can’t...” She fought to get the words out. “I can’t accept that ring. I can’t accept anything from you anymore. We should have never started meeting in the first place. I can’t be in a serious relationship with you.” The words poured out when she started to speak. She tried to get everything out at once. Everything that she had been telling herself over and over again these past couple of years.

Hyun Joong sat as one word after another washed over him, he had stopped listening after the first sentence because from then all of the words only meant that she didn’t want to be with him. That she wasn’t going to accept his ring. That she was throwing away everything they had had together all of these years because of reasons she hadn’t even discussed with him, because of reasons that didn’t make any difference to him, because of reasons that just sounded like excuses to Hyun Joong who had waited patiently and happily for his Buin’s every text, every call; excuses to Hyun Joong who had let himself cater to her every whim and wish only asking for her to tell him she loved him in return. And here, now, just when he thought that they were looking for and had finally found the same thing in each other; she was telling him that it couldn’t be.

Hwang Bo stopped talking. She didn’t think she would ever be able to forget the look he had on his face right now. That look pulled from her a sentence that she hadn’t meant to say. That she knew would be a mistake, and it was something she knew either of them could never really accomplish. “We could...still be friends.” It sounded pathetic and insulting to her own ears, so it wasn’t hard to imagine how it sounded to Hyun Joong. His reply was interrupted by a voice coming from beside their table. “Hwang Bo, are you here to see me?” Hwang Bo looked up to see Do Goon, the restaurant owner, smiling down at her. She glanced at Hyun Joong, and she could see the look of recognition dawning on his face. She sighed, knowing she was doomed.

Hyun Joong saw the panicked look that flickered across Hwang Bo’s face that settled into resignation. He recognized the man from the club he had visited briefly with Amber...and that dress. The man was still talking; a word floating through Hyun Joong’s stunned brain: marriage meeting. Hyun Joong’s hands felt cold, he had them clenched into such tight fists that the blood had drained out of them. His knuckles were white on the table, the gold band of the solitary couple ring standing out glaringly, it was the only thing Hwang Bo could focus on because she was too ashamed to bring her eyes anywhere near his face.

“You never even considered taking me seriously, did you?” Hyun Joong asked, his voice cold. Hwang Bo couldn’t speak. She knew she had nothing to say. Do Goon stopped talking, taking notice of the young man sitting there. “Am...I interrupting something?” he asked. “Ye-” Hwang Bo started to say, but Hyun Joong interrupted her. “No,” he said. “It’s over,” he stated fiercely looking directly into Hwang Bo’s eyes. “It’s over.” He stood up to leave.

Hwang Bo couldn’t stop herself, she reached across the table to stop him, knocking dishes to the restaurant floor. “Shillang!” It came as a strangled cry from the depths of her throat. Hyun Joong jerked his arm from her grasp; he hurried toward the door. He had to get out of there before he hurt someone, before she saw how much she had hurt him, before... he waved down a taxi, pushing a waiting customer away from the door, not even caring as the woman screamed after him in anger as he told the man to drive... just drive. He put his head in his hands, then felt the cold metal of the ring on his hand against his face. He struggled to take the ring off, he rolled down the window and threw it into the street, not knowing or caring what had happened to the one meant for Hwang Bo. He let out a scream that tore from the base of his soul.

Hwang Bo picked up the ring that Hyun Joong had dropped back into the lettuce at her first words of refusal. At Hyun Joong’s disappearance, she felt a sudden shortness of breath. She looked down at the dishes she had knocked over. “I’m sorry...sorry...” she said, bending down to pick up the pieces. She didn’t even notice that she cut her finger in her haste. Her eyes had blurred with tears so she couldn’t see anything. She wasn’t aware of anything anymore. She was barely aware of Do Goon holding her by her shoulders, trying to tell her that it was okay. That he would clean up the mess later. ‘No...I have to fix this...’ It was her last thought before she blacked out.

Hwang Bo woke up in a strange bed, the smell, the feel was unfamiliar. She reached underneath the pillow for her cell phone, but didn’t find it there. She blinked in confusion when she opened her palm and a small gold ring fell out. Suddenly everything that had happened came rushing back to her. Her breathing came in sharp gasps. Do Goon came from the kitchen where he had been preparing a warm cloth to lay on Hwang Bo’s clammy forehead. Hwang Bo pulled the covers up to her chin. Do Goon grabbed a full glass of water he had sat beside the bed and held it out for Hwang Bo to drink. When she refused, he sat it back down on the nightstand. “You passed out a few hours ago after you had that fight with that kid.” He gestured toward her hand. “You broke a few dishes and cut yourself, but I bandaged you up as best I could. I’ll go make you something easy to swallow, just lay down and rest until you feel better.” Hwang Bo wanted to get up and leave, but her legs wouldn’t obey her, they wobbled feebly against the seemingly heavy covers. She slid down between the sheets and curled upon herself on her side. She didn’t think she would ever feel better, all she wanted to do was cry.

Hyun Joong walked through the door, drunk. He somehow made his way to his bedroom and let his body fall onto the bed. He grabbed his head, trying to stop the images of her that came flooding into his mind. Why couldn’t the guys be there tonight to distract him? Where were they anyway!? He pulled his phone roughly out of his pocket. He was going to call them, but he paused when he saw her name stored into his phone. Number one. He clenched the phone tightly and without another moment of hesitation, he deleted it completely.

Hwang Bo didn’t know how long she lay curled up in Do Goon’s bed, the sun had set and risen at least twice. She just couldn’t find the strength to move, to stand. She finally managed to make her way into the kitchen on her own, she found her phone laying by the sink, the only people who had tried to reach her were her mother and a few of her friends and her manager, nothing from Hyun Joong. Not that she expected anything. She slipped the phone into her purse, wrote a note to Do Goon thanking him and telling him she was leaving, then made her way down the back stairs, discovering Do Goon’s apartment was the space above his restaurant. She slipped down a side alley and waved down a taxi as soon as she reached the street. She crawled into the cab with the last of her strength, told the cab driver directions to her mother’s house, then lay on her side for the rest of the journey. She covered her eyes with her hand trying to stop the endless flow of tears she had cried since she had let go of Hyun Joong.

Hyun Joong could feel his members giving him certain looks. For the last two days, he had thrown himself into his work. Barely even taking time to eat or sleep. They weren’t sure what to do, so they just followed him...not saying anything, afraid of his fluctuating temper. They sighed as Hyun Joong disrupted their three minute break from practice to tell them to get to work again.

Hwang Bo stared blankly at the man across from her. Her mother couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her precious daughter, but she had suggested that it might be solved by falling in love, getting married, and having a few kids. Hwang Bo took a sip of her orange juice. The man noticed how her hand shook as she lifted the glass from her table to her mouth. He had been excited about the prospect of Hwang Bo as a possible marriage partner, he had followed her progress as a singer since her debut and had found her funny and attractive; but at the moment she looked pale and a bit dazed. He reached across the table and put a steadying hand over hers as she lowered the glass. “Hwang Bo-ssi, is something the matter? If today isn’t a good day for a meeting, we can reschedule.”

Hwang Bo blinked, becoming aware of where she was. “Oh,” she said, gently taking her hand away from his. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been feeling well lately...” her voice lowered and the words trailed off as she spoke as if she lost energy with each word. “It probably would be better if we did this later. I’m sorry,” she said again, getting up, not waiting for the guy’s reply. If asked later, she wouldn’t even be able to say what he looked like. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ she asked herself as she walked away. ‘Isn’t this what you wanted?’

Hyun Joong stayed in the dance studio long after his members had grown too tired and gone for a rest. He practiced his moves again and again, watching his movements in the giant mirrors that lined the walls. He was tired, but he had to keep going until he was too tired to think. Young Seang walked into the studio carrying a bottle of water and watched Hyun Joong practice the moves for the new song like a man possessed. “Hyung!” He shouted. Hyun Joong didn’t even pause. Young Seang walked closer and said even louder. “Hyung!” Hyun Joong turned and glared at his donseang. Young Seang stepped back from that gaze, his Hyung’s eyes seemed to burn with the intensity of a mad man while the rest of his face remained expressionless. He was going to tease his Hyung about a bad end to the relationship they all suspected he had, but he could tell that if he did that just now he may not wake up to see the light of the next day. He tentatively held the water bottle out to Hyun Joong. “Here, drink before you collapse from dehydration.”

Hyun Joong sighed and took the bottle offered to him, taking two huge drinks. “Hyung,” Young Seang started. “What happened?” Hyun Joong turned back to the mirror. “Nothing,” he answered. “I’m going to practice some more. Go on back with the guys.”

Young Seang watched as Hyun Joong restarted the music and turned it up as loud as it could go, he knew that Hyun Joong wasn’t in the mood to talk. He turned and slowly walked out of the room, then softly shut the door behind him. The rest of the members crowded around him. He leaned his back against the wall as they asked him if he had been able to discover what it was that had been bothering their Hyung. Young Seang shook his head sadly from side to side. Baby grabbed his hair while Jung Min and Kyu Jong just stared down at the floor. “He was so happy just a few days ago,” Kyu Jong murmured. “What could have happened?”

Jung Min looked up, a sudden determined look in his eyes. “Let’s find out.” The other members looked at him questioningly. “We can’t get answers from him...let’s ask the other person involved. It’s not like we don’t know.” He reached his hand out for Hyung Joon’s phone. “Give me that. You have her number right?”

Hyung Joon nodded and quickly passed the phone to Jung Min. All of the members leaned in as he pressed the call button and held the phone up to his ear. The phone rang a few times before a tired and weak voice answered. Jung Min’s face scrunched in confusion. “Hwang Bo Noona?”

“Yes...who is this?” Hwang Bo answered. Jung Min answered from the other side. When he stated who he was, Hwang Bo’s eyes widened and she pulled the phone away from her ear for a moment to clear her throat. 'What does he want?’ she wondered. She put the phone back to her ear. “Ah...yes...what is it?” she asked.

Jung Min looked around at his members. “Well, Hyun Joong has been acting-” Hwang Bo cut him off from the other end of the line, “What does anything he does have to do with me?” She hung up the phone. Jung Min stared at the cell phone then looked around at the members. “She-she hung up on me.”

“What!?” Hyung Joon took the phone. “Let me try to call her.” He dialed the number again. Hwang Bo looked down at the ringing phone. ‘Why? Why is he calling again!?’ she wondered. She was going to ignore it, but if he was calling again, it must be something important right? Was something wrong with Hyun Joong? She picked up the call again. “What?” she asked, trying to sound strong. “Uhh...Noona,” Hwang Bo could recognize Hyung Joon’s voice through the phone. “Mmm...” she said, telling him to go on. Hyung Joon started warily. “Hyun Joong...he’s-” He was interrupted by a sudden stern voice. “What are you doing!?” Hyun Joong demanded from behind the youngest member.

Hwang Bo had heard Hyun Joong’s voice before Hyung Joon snapped his phone shut in fear. He must be okay if he sounds so strong, Hwang Bo consoled herself, he has to be okay. There was no one there to console Hyung Joon as Hyun Joong grabbed him by the collar and shoved him against the wall. He snatched the phone from Hyung Joon’s hand. He looked at the number just dialed and sent Baby a look that would have killed him if looks had such power. Hyun Joong deleted Hwang Bo’s number from Baby’s phone, not knowing how the kid had gotten her number anyway, suspicion and jealousy clouded his mind as he threw the phone against the wall shattering it mere inches from Hyung Joon’s head. He glared around at the rest of the members. “If any of the rest of you have her number, you better delete it now and if I catch you on the phone with her for any reason, there’s no telling what I’ll do,” he said as he turned and walked down the hallway leaving a group of stunned and frightened young men behind him.