On a String [Chapter 3]

 

Chapter 3:

Present - Jimin

One day it hit me.

'This isn't healthy.'

I had always sort of known, but there was something about today that really made the thought settle with me and made me realize I needed to do something about it.

Actually, I do know what made it settle on me, covering me like a well-worn blanket.

We were getting ready for a photoshoot, and I saw him flirting. Jungkookie with his dancing eyes and bright smile. A female hairstylist had come over to put finishing touches on his hair, and they were laughing together about something. She wore a blush - and egged on by it - he continued to crack jokes that made the blush grow bigger on her face. She was cute in a girl-next-door type of way, the kind of girl I would love to see my maknae end up with if I wasn't...

Anyway...they looked good together.

And I hated it. I was jealous. Petulant, angry, and I gave him the silent treatment throughout the entire shoot. I could tell he was confused about the way I was ignoring him; I didn't care. Let him hurt. Let him know I'm angry, and there's nothing he can do about it but suffer.

And on the ride back home that night with my headphones shoved into my ears and him glancing at me furtively, I began to know that this needed to end. I was being selfish when I didn't have the right to be selfish. I had no claim on him. No claim on his smiles or his jokes. His body or his heart. Those were the rules.

How long had we been doing this? Fooling around with each other...Five or six years? Too long.

I've done my time, haven't I? My punishment for starting this all to begin with.

I'm 24. It's time I started living my life. Really living it. It's time I started trying to find something real...Isn't it? It's only fair to me...and him. An image of him laughing with that hairstylist comes to me again. He deserves to be able to experience a real relationship. Not this. And it's my job to put a stop to this because he won't.

It's my job, as the older one to end this. To finally be the hyung I was supposed to be all those years ago. I have to fix my mistakes.

Present

The group of boys moved together with precision and passion, the mirrored room now humid due to all of the activity and sweat from the past two hours. All seven of the members of BTS were in one of the dance practice rooms housed within their company in preparation for their comeback stage scheduled for the next week.

"All right, guys," Namjoon's deep voice rang out across the room as the last beat of their song hummed to a halt. "10 minute break to change and then let's go eat."

Everyone cheered, happy that their practice was finally over and the promise of food.

Jimin could already taste a juicy steak melting in his mouth, followed by creamy mashed potatoes. He couldn't wait. Breathing heavily, he went to the corner of the room and grabbed a towel that he had brought to the dance studio to wipe his sweat away with. As he was cleaning himself up, he felt Jungkook's presence before he even heard him. He slowed the action of wiping his sweat. He had avoided Jungkook for about four days now, and he knew his best friend was probably curious as to what was going on. Jimin sighed. He knew he needed to man up and get this over with, but he was hesitant about saying what he needed to say. Once he addressed it, that was it. It would be over. Whatever 'it' was. And for the sake of the harmony of BTS as a group, and for the sake of his and Jungkook's friendship, he knew he needed to be as careful as possible in facing what was to come.

His stomach twisted. He felt like he was about to step onto a field full of landmines.

But when he heard the younger man's shuffling of feet and the clearing of his throat, Jimin turned around. And pulled on a smile as natural as he could make it. "Hey," he said, letting the towel he had been using fall to hang around his neck.

Jungkook looked slightly taken aback and Jimin knew he must have surprised the other man. Of course he had. This smile was a drastic change from the silent moodiness Jimin had been greeting Jungkook with for the past few days.

But the change was a pleasant one for Jungkook. He smiled in return, his shoulders seeming to sag with relief.

Jimin's stomach dropped once again at Jungkook's reaction. His cute kid. Forever maknae. 'Please don't let me hurt him,' he thought.

"Here," Jungkook hands him a bottle of water he has in his hands and Jimin accepts it, cracking the lid open and taking a drink. Jungkook shuffles in place for a couple of seconds, his body betraying the few signs of uncertainty that are left within him. "You want to do a VLive tonight?"

Keeping his casual composure, Jimin nodded. "We can," he said. He figured he would be able to talk with Jungkook seriously...and alone...before or after said VLive.

"Cool," Jungkook said with a smile. His shuffling feet stopped. He settled into the feeling of things getting back to normal.

And normal it was. Dinner was great.

"I will never hook up with a fan," Jin was saying. A heavy, content lull had settled over the atmosphere of the restaurant the group occupied, their tables pushed together in an isolated corner of the fancy building. They were sectioned off and partitioned in a booth all to themselves. The weight of their meal and the consumed alcohol had loosened up their muscles and they sagged into their seats.

Jungkook was enjoying the feeling of Jimin's fingers lazily playing in his hair. He didn't know if the older man was even aware that he was doing it; Jimin's eyes were focused on Jin, who was at the other end of the table, as he spoke. But his wrist casually rested on Jungkook's shoulder, his fingers gently playing in Jungkook's hair - sometimes stroking, sometimes twirling, sometimes gently pulling.

Jungkook didn't know if it was the warmth of the restaurant, the alcohol, or the taste of steak still lingering on his tongue but he took note that, in that moment, he was happy.

"Why not?" Yoongi asked Jin.

Jungkook allowed himself to listen to the conversation while enjoying the sensation of having his hair played with. 

"Because I find it a little...unethical, don't you think?" Jin asked. "I mean...fans look up to you, and I feel like if you know that and then use that to hook up or date for a short time that it's kind of...taking advantage."

"Okay, short term," Namjoon responded. "But what if you fall in love?"

Jin shrugged. "I mean, there are always unexpected things that can happen, but...as of now, I don't ever see myself falling for a fan."

"Good," Yoongi said. "That means I have a chance." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, causing everyone to laugh. Yoongi's unexpected humor always came at the best time, diffusing honest discussions with lightness.

"Speaking of that," Taehyung suddenly said from where he was sitting at the head of the table. He had been rather quiet until now, but now he was speaking with a mischeivous smile growing on his face. "If you could date any one of us...any member of BTS...Who would it be and why? The question is for everybody."

Hoseok snickered. "What is this?" he asked. "Are we suddenly on a variety show?"

"Are you the MC?" Yoongi followed up Hoseok's question.

"What a weird question to ask all of a sudden," Namjoon said with a laugh. "Are you interested in somebody in the group or something?"

"No," Taehyung said. "Just curious."

Hoseok decided to play along. He looked around the table, sizing everyone up. "I'd date Jimin," he finally announced loudly.

"Why, why, why?" Jimin asked excitedly, leaning forward so that he could see Hoseok's face past Yoongi.

Jungkook smirked at Jimin's eagerness. He was always ready to hear compliments.

"You're sweet," Hoseok said sincerely. "You always take care of everyone, and you tend to pamper those you care about."

"Right," Namjoon said with a nod of agreement.

Jimin's blush grew and his smile grew wider with each compliment.

"You'd be a great girlfriend," Hoseok finished.

"Girlfriend? I'm a man, hyung," Jimin protested.

"Yeah, but between us, you'd be the girlfriend."

Jimin's mouth fell open, affronted, and the rest of the group sputtered with laughter. Jungkook laughed as well, reaching out to stroke Jimin's head in a reassuring manner.

"I'd date Jimin as well," Taehyung blurted out. "We have history."

Exaggeratedly touched, Jimin stood up and gave Taehyung a high five that the other man enthusiastically returned.

Yoongi said that he would date Hoseok because he knew how to move his hips, prompting more laughter from the members and exclamations of, "Dirty!" "This hyung is a pervert." "What are you thinking about?!"

Jin said that he would date Namjoon and Namjoon said that he would date Jimin - earning a pout and a slap from Jin.

Jungkook was no longer smiling. His turn was coming up, and he suddenly felt slight panic. What was he supposed to say? He couldn't very well say that he would date Jimin. With the way their relationship was, that would make things awkward. What if Jimin thought he had some huge crush on him? Or was in unrequited love? What if Jimin started to think he was weird? What if everyone else started to think he was weird. What if he answered 'Jimin' and the rest of the group started putting two and two together that he and Jimin sometimes disappeared at the same time or stayed up late together or started to wonder why he and Jimin always lingered around together?

He gulped and the stain of a blush passed across his cheeks.

Basically, he was overthinking like hell but his sudden anxiety didn't allow the logical side of his brain to kick in and say, "Calm down. It's not that serious."

"Jungkook." His name snapped him out of his panicked thoughts. Namjoon, with a smile leftover from his playful bout with Jin asked, "What about you?"

Jimin didn't turn toward him, but Jungkook could tell from his profile that the older man wore a slightly expectant expression. But he knew that Jungkook couldn't say his name, right? He knew how detrimental that would be. Right? Because Jungkook was feeling crushed under the amount of surety he had that the minute Jimin's name escaped his lips, everyone would be able to read him like a book. And make assumptions. And they would have a thousand questions. Like, "You're gay? You like Jimin? How long have you liked Jimin?" All questions he didn't want to answer and questions to which he was sure they wouldn't buy his answers to anyway. So he answered with the first name that came to his mind after Jimin. "Taehyung."

A ghost of a frown. Jungkook wasn't sure he was seeing it correctly as it passed so quickly over the other man's face. Appearing quickly before seamlessly sliding back into the mask of a small smile. Jungkook leaned forward slightly to get a better look at Jimin's face, needing to read the other man's mood before knowing how to properly respond to any given situation. Jimin's smile stayed on and a reassuring hand came up to continue to lightly brush strands of hair away from Jungkook's face. Jungkook relaxed with the touch.

Neither of them paid much attention to Taehyung watching them carefully.

"Why?" Namjoon asked Jungkook.

"Because I'm never bored with Taehyungie-hyung," Jungkook answered easily.

Everyone accepted the answer easily.

And when it became Jimin's turn to choose, it suddenly became a big production all thanks to Jin. "Jimin got picked the most out of everyone," the oldest had announced. "He's obviously the most eligible bachelor, so we should all close our eyes and have him hug whoever he picks from behind."

"And winner of Jiminie's heart gets first pick of rooms next time we travel," Namjoon piped in, sweetening the deal.

Jimin guffawed behind his hand, embarrassed but flattered at being the star of the hour - even if it was just a silly game they started playing for no real discernible reason.

That's how six men ended up standing in a line at the back of a restaurant with their backs turned, waiting for the smallest of the group to hopefully wrap his arms around their middle.

Jungkook tried not to expect anything when he hadn't picked Jimin when it was his turn, but the resistance to hope was futile. He wanted Jimin's embrace, even though this was just a silly game that didn't really mean anything. His heart pounded as he heard Jimin shuffling back and forth behind them, small giggles escaping the mischeivous man's lips.

"Bum bum bum bum~" Jimin began to hum the wedding march. And then Jungkook got his wish. Jimin's arms snaked around his waist and his hands clasped, locking Jungkook in a backhug. Jungkook glanced down at Jimin's hands with a pleased smirk and then turned over his shoulder to see Jimin smiling at him with a simpering expression. 

A blush spread across Jungkook's cheeks as the rest of the members groaned and sighed as they realized Jimin had made his choice. "Of course," Yoongi grumbled.

"For Jimin, it's always Jungkookie," Namjoon followed.

Jungkook felt pleasure rise in his gut at that statement. He allowed Jimin to continue to hold his middle as they waddled - they couldn't really walk properly due to their continued closeness - back to the table. What surprised him was when they arrived back to their seat and Jimin stayed in his space, planting himself down on Jungkook's lap.

Jungkook had learned a lot about appearances during his time as an idol. He learned how to apply makeup to cover blemishes, how to take the perfect selfie, and also how to act nonchalant while the man he usually found himself grinding lewdly against in the late hours of the night hung all over him in broad daylight...in front of cameras...onstage in front of millions of people. He realized long ago that schooling his face into a mask of casual acceptance made even the most obvious touches become nothing more than natural touches between friends in the eyes of other people. So that's what he did now. Even though he was slightly surprised and slightly aroused ( he found it really didn't take much for him to reach that state...especially when Park Jimin was involved), he accepted Jimin onto his lap as if it was the most natural thing in the world...only allowing the slightest ghost of a smile to pass his lips and his left arm to fall around Jimin's waist. And as expected, the rest of the members barely paid them any mind.

Jimin allowed himself to enjoy the moment, thinking that this would be one of the last times that he would be so overtly flirtatious with the youngest.

His resolve was only hardened when he heard Namjoon's next statement. "No, but seriously guys," the leader said. "I hope none of us fall in love with each other. I will support any of you in whatever relationships you have as long as it's not amongst ourselves. There's too much that could go wrong. Harmony of the group comes first."

Hoseok nodded. "I agree," he said. He then launched into this story he heard about a girl group that fell apart at the seams because a love triangle developed within the group.

Jimin's eyes dropped. Namjoon's words confirmed what he had been thinking for years. He had fucked up.

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And he continued to fuck up.

Jimin had been determined to start having a serious discussion with the youngest about how they should no longer get each other off now that they weren't teenagers anymore, but that discussion was on the backburner. He was lounging on the bed in Jungkook's room smiling widely at Jungkook as the younger member danced in an exaggerated, suggestive manner. In other words, he was watching Jungkook give him a strip tease that was being performed under the guise of it being a joke...But they both knew how they were both seriously enjoying it.

Jungkook turned sharply and stopped with his back to Jimin before peering over his shoulder with a seductive gaze before throwing his muscled leg out to one side and dropping to grab his ankle, giving Jimin an uninhibited view of his fit backside which was straining against his fitted (but not overly tight) black sweat pants. A white t-shirt hung from his shoulders.

Jimin wondered how he could be so captivated by someone wearing such basic attire.

But he couldn't stop his tongue from darting out against his lips as Jungkook rose back up slowly, staring at Jimin the whole time. When Jungkook reached a ninety-degree angle bent position with his body, he wiggled his ass and quirked his eyebrow. Jimin laughed at Jungkook's silliness. But he was also slightly shocked. He was always shocked by the maknae, which was refreshing. There were so many sides to the youngest. He could be so shy and cute, and then there were other times when he was so reliable and manly. And then there were times like these where he was just...fucking weird. But sexy as hell. Jimin's hand moved to readjust himself in his boxers before he could think to stop himself.

He knew he was in trouble when he saw Jungkook's smirk and the way he began to saunter over to him towards the bed.

Jimin couldn't even remember how they got to this moment. He had come into Jungkook's room to find the younger man cleaning up for the VLive they planned to do; they had begun their usual playful chatting; and then somewhere along the way, they had wound up here.

Now Jimin was regretting everything. Because Jungkook was standing over him now, legs on either side of a supine him, and he was helpless. Jimin could no longer think of those words he wanted to say when he first came in. All he could focus on was the fact that Jungkook was pulling his shirt over his head, exposing his perfect waist and abs. And the way his own manhood was straining against the fabric of his clothing.

The maknae bent to his knees, still straddling Jimin and allowed a wide smile to grow over his face - losing the persona of stripper that he had just playfully donned seconds before. For Jimin, the youngest's innocent smile was worse. It hit him like a punch in the gut, making him lose his breath. 

Jimin's hands automatically went to Jungkook's thighs, his touch resting lightly atop Jungkook's black trousers. "Why are you like this?" Jimin asked, trying to keep his voice steady. His hands began to stroke gently up and down the surface they rested on. He could feel Jungkook's well-defined leg muscles through the fabric. "Who raised you this way?" Though Jimin was joking, he knew the minute the question left his mouth that he would regret asking that because he knew the answer.

"Hyung," Jungkook said immediately, pointing at Jimin. That wide, innocent smile still on his face. He then laughed because he found it humorous. Jimin wished he could find it humorous in that moment as well, but all he felt was the weight of guilt. And suddenly he remembered why he was there.

He stopped stroking Jungkook's thighs and patted him instead. "Get off for a minute, Jungkookie," he said, forcing his mind to take control of his body instead of the other way around. "I need to talk to you."

Jungkook didn't argue. He slid off of him and flopped onto his back. He laid slightly at an angle on the bed so that his head still touched Jimin's and one of his knees was bent to the ceiling while his other leg lay straight out. "What is it?" he asked lightly.

Jimin's heart began to pound in his chest as he became anxious. He had thought about this all day, but he was still struggling to find the right words. Jimin and Jungkook had never verbally talked about the things that they did sometimes when they were alone so to start talking about it now was a little...daunting. He almost jumped when he felt Jungkook's hand wrap around his wrist, but he settled down when he saw that the maknae only grabbed him to flop his hand around absentmindedly. The youngest's lips formed a slight pout as he focused on...whatever the hell he was doing...with Jimin's hand. He was just playing around while he patiently waited for the older to say what he wanted to say.

'I hate him,' Jimin thought. 'He's so cute.'

"So..." Jimin started, biting the bullet. "Jungkook-ah..."

"Mm."

"You know, we're both adults now...In our twenties..."

"Mm."

"I was thinking...Maybe it's time that we stopped...you know..."

"What?" He still had no idea where this was going.

Jimin took a deep breath. "I think maybe we should stop visiting each other's rooms and...doing stuff like this, you know?" Jungkook stopped playing with Jimin's hand. He stopped all movement altogether, and that's when Jimin knew the younger finally understood what he was getting at. He rushed on. "Namjoon is always talking about how we're a family, you know? And we are! And family doesn't...you know...jack each other off and...go down on each other and...stuff like that." Jungkook still didn't move or say anything and Jimin was afraid to look over to gauge his reaction. "I mean..." Jimin continued. "It was fine when we were still teenagers because we were young and exploring our sexuality. But now...I think it's time that we stop..."

A silence fell over the room. And after a time period that seemed like forever passed, Jimin finally dared to turn his head to look over at Jungkook - who still hadn't said anything.

"Is...Is that okay?" Jimin asked.

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Jungkook was surprised. He had known this little arrangement they had wouldn't be forever but somehow...it seemed too soon to end it. He bit his lip, knowing Jimin was waiting for his response. And what other response could he give? He couldn't very well say that it wasn't okay. That he wanted to keep doing illicit things with his bandmate...because what point would there be to do that? When Jimin didn't want it anymore?

A pang hit his heart.

For some reason, he always felt that when things came to an end, he would be the one to end it. But Jimin had beat him to it, and now he felt a little silly because he had been expecting more time together. He didn't expect to be caught so unaware. 

He felt himself nodding before his mind had really caught up. "...It's okay," he finally said, his voice hoarse. He gave a casual response because that's what all of this was, right? Casual. The way he felt inside...this painful feeling...it wasn't casual so he couldn't really let that show. He couldn't really cry, scream, or argue. Jimin wanted to stop so they had to...stop. "But..." Again, his mouth was working before his brain. "Hyung, are you a virgin?"

"...What?" Jimin asked, surprised by the question.

Jungkook was a little surprised at himself as well, but he continued. "Like...Have you done inter- intercourse with anyone before?"

"No..." Jimin answered.

"Let me do that," Jungkook said quickly.

A pregnant pause filled the room. Both men stared at each other with wide, surprised eyes.

"What?" Jimin asked.

Jungkook's face flushed, but he didn't back down. "Let's...go all the way...and then I'll agree. We'll stop."

Jimin's eyes widened. He was shocked at the request. He opened his mouth to ask why they should do that. Why should they? Of course they shouldn't. It would probably only complicate things and prolong the inevitable. He wanted to say all that...But why couldn't he? His mouth was open but no sound was coming out. No words were being formed. He could only think about the many times he had hoped they would take things further during their trysts, how perfect it would feel for Jungkook to fill him up...enter inside him and forever bond them together in the sensual act of sex. He had fantasized about it so many times...And this was his last chance. So he found himself saying... "...Okay".

Jungkook didn't allow the surprise at Jimin's answer to show on his face. In the time it took Jimin to respond, he had been internally beating himself up over the utter ridiculousness and selfishness of the request. He didn't intrinsically look inside himself to discover why he wanted such a thing. He just knew that the first time was special. And he wanted to be special to Jimin. Even if it was the last thing he did. He didn't want to end their...arrangement...with nothing to show for it. As of yet, there was nothing he could claim. Besides this. The title of being Jimin's first.

His heart swelled with relief, pride, and...happiness. He had time. They weren't completely over yet. He had time to get ready to say goodbye.

"O-okay," Jungkook said.

A flush appeared on Jimin's cheeks. They were doing this.

Jungkook cleared his throat. "Next week?" he asked. He wanted to make it clear that he didn't want to do anything tonight. He wasn't ready. He didn't know what he needed to do. He needed to research. And prepare. He needed time.

Jimin seemed to be on the same page because he simply nodded. "Yeah. Yeah. Next week sounds good."

"Okay."

Another silence stretched over the room and then Jungkook sat up quite suddenly, causing Jimin to jump - startled. "You still want to do the VLive?" Jungkook asked moving off the bed and rummaging with the computer with suspiciously frantic hands and nervous eye movements.

"Yeah," Jimin answered, sitting up as well.

Things were awkward for a few more moments but they managed to have a somewhat normal conversation in front of their fans through the use of the app. When they shut the VLive down and Jimin went back to his own room, he thought to himself that that hadn't been so bad. Jungkook had taken the...break up? No...End of the arrangement...pretty well.

Jimin tried to ignore the pit of sadness he felt in his stomach at that fact.

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The next week passed rather quickly and rather...interestingly.

Throughout their final practices and last preparations for their upcoming comeback, the boys of BTS were busy...but that didn't stop two of the members from squeezing in sex education whenever they could.

The first time Jimin and Jungkook compared notes on their research was pretty early in the week. It was during a photoshoot that was taking forever. Each member was getting individual shots done before they would do a group shot, so that meant a lot of hurry up and wait. And Jimin and Jungkook had been waiting for a couple of hours for their turn. They were sitting in separate areas of the same room of the studio (the photographer had demanded silence so Namjoon had separated them) when Jungkook decided to share one of the things he had been curious about...deciding to ask his hyung instead of Google like he had planned to do later that night.

"Hyung," he texted. "Since neither of us have had intercourse with anybody, do we need to use protection?"

He sent the message and watched as Jimin received it. Jimin's face showed shock before he looked up to see Jungkook looking over at him, and then his expression melted into one of slight amusement. He typed something back. It wasn't long until Jungkook received it.

"I don't know," the text read. "I don't think so. I think there are some things you can get through oral sex, but since neither of us have anything yet I assume we're safe...Why? You don't want to use protection?" A slew of sly emojis followed. "Oooh~ Jungkookie, I didn't know you were such a freak."

Jungkook blushed but smiled. Jimin's answer had been pretty vague, so he decided he'd still Google his question later that night...just to be sure. But for now, there was something else he was curious about. "...You're going to be bottom, right?" he texted quickly.

Sent.

Recieved.

Another shocked look and then Jimin began to chuckle. He sent something back.

"Why should I?" it read.

Jungkook gulped. He received another text soon after.

"I'm the hyung." He looked up to see Jimin smirking over at him.

Jungkook blinked back at him with wide eyes. He had assumed...maybe hoped more than anything...that bottoming would be the role Jimin preferred. After all, he was always the one to wind up in that position anyway whenever they dry humped. Jungkook gulped again, wondering if he could enjoy things the other way around.

While Jungkook descended into an existential crisis, Jimin doubled over with laughter - finding Jungkook's wide-eyed expression hilarious. He eventually sobered up enough to send another text.

"I'm just kidding, Jungkook-ah," it read. "Of course hyung will bottom. I kind of already bought something to prepare myself for it..." He followed his text up with a blushing emoji and sent it.

Jungkook released a small sigh of relief when he read what Jimin wrote. "What?" he texted back, curious about what Jimin would have bought. "Lube?"

"Well, that too," Jimin texted back. "But no...Something else."

"What?" Jungkook texted again, his curiosity peaked.

The next message Jimin sent was a link to an online store. In the link image was the picture of a cylindrical object with a base. Jungkook's eyes widened when he read the product name and description. "Butt plug?" he whispered to himself. He gulped. Again. At this point, he would be lying if he said he wasn't slightly petrified and intimidated about what he may have gotten himself into.

A follow-up text came from Jimin. "I ordered it after we decided to sleep together. It's supposed to help stretch the muscles down there. To make things easier when we...you know..."

"Have you used it yet?" Jungkook asked, trying to not give in to his anxiety and be the mature adult that a young man in his twenties was supposed to be by having this conversation without wanting to submerge himself into a ball until he disappeared.

"Yes. Last night," was the response.

Jungkook blushed furiously. Jimin's smirk grew as he glanced up at Jungkook from across the room.

"How was it?" Jungkook texted back. "Are you stretched? Did it hurt?"

Jimin snickered when he read Jungkook's innocent questions. "It takes time," he texted back. "I'm going to use it every night until it's time that we...you know. I figure I should be pretty prepared by then. And...it felt pretty uncomfortable, but that was about it. It's supposed to get easier. That's the whole point of using it."

Jungkook hurriedly texted back with wide eyes. "Okay," he said. "If you need more time, let me know. We can always reschedule."

Jimin laughed when he received the text. 'Reschedule,' he thought. As if this was a formal business meeting of some sort. "It should be fine," Jimin texted back.

"Okay," Jungkook texted again.

A couple of minutes passed and Jimin thought the conversation was over, but then a sudden smirk passed over Jungkook's face and he picked his phone up again. Jimin read the text he received.

"But you may need to order a bigger size."

Jimin almost choked on shocked laughter. He avoided the glare of the photographer and peered at Jungkook who was laughing silently along with him. No one would ever know that that cute, childish smile masked a cocky horndog that did stripteases and bragged about his penis size. Jimin shook his head and texted back. "Shut up." A blush reddened his cheeks and he wondered when Jungkook became the one that made him flustered instead of the other way around.

That particular conversation ended, but the two guys continued to speak transparently about their research and what they were finding out for the rest of that week. It was exciting and helped to build anticipation toward what they planned to do. What both of them had been yearning to do for years.

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[Mood Music - All I Ask (Adele)]

The room seemed larger than Jungkook remembered it being earlier in the day. The lights seemed too bright, the fragrance permeating the room seemed too sweet, and the blankets seemed too warm.

They were in a grand hotel in Korea, a hotel near where they needed to film a commercial the following day. And Jimin had come to Jungkook's room. It was time.

Jimin tried not to be nervous as he and Jungkook sat on the edge of the bed, both dressed in plush bathrobes, only their boxers on underneath.

It was awkward.

This was the first time they had ever planned to be intimate - as in, literally scheduled it on their mental calendars. Usually it just happened. And, of course, this was the first time that they would be going all the way so stakes were higher.

Jungkook ran his hand up and down his arm nervously.

"Do you have everything?" he finally asked Jimin, his voice cracking the silence.

"Yeah," Jimin answered. He pulled forward the bag he had brought with him to the room and extracted a bottle of lube, setting it on the nightstand next to them.

"Is that it?" Jungkook asked. For some reason, he had been expecting tons of items to come out of the bag. Lube, ropes, handcuffs, collars, the butt plug...Hey, they had talked about a lot of things, okay? In his moment of heightened anxiety - which was now, he couldn't remember which conversations had been jokes and which had been serious.

"Yeah," Jimin said, suddenly unsure. "We decided not to use protection, right?"

"Right," Jungkook said with a nod. "Right."

"Right." Silence. "So...Should we start?"

"...Yeah," Jungkook said.

Jungkook finally turned to Jimin and leaned in slowly. Jimin tilted his head in anticipation of Jungkook's kiss. He felt like a high schooler doing this for the first time. Even though he and Jungkook had done things like this plenty of times before at this point. Jungkook put a gentle hand on Jimin's forearm as if to anchor them. The touch caused Jimin's heart to race. And then the younger placed a tentative kiss on Jimin's lips. The kiss was different than what either of them was used to. It wasn't the kiss of a friend or a curious and eager young man; it was the kiss of a lover. A gentle brush. Jimin's lips opened on a shaky breath.

They got to know each other all over again through the use of their lips and tongues. The awkward atmosphere gradually dissolved as both young men got into it and followed the natural rhythm they had become accustomed to over the years.

Jungkook pulled Jimin close.

They found themselves laid out on the bed, legs tangled together, hands stroking and exploring, robes lost. Jungkook's hand ran down Jimin's side to slip past the waistband of the other man's boxers and Jimin released a broken moan into their open-mouthed kisses. Jungkook committed it to memory.

They unveiled their bodies to the comfortable temperature of the hotel room and allowed their skin to glide together underneath the sheets. They gently kissed their way into position...Jimin on his stomach with a pillow under his pelvis to lift his hips into the air and Jungkook hovering over him, his chest pressed lightly to Jimin's back. His hand holding carefully to Jimin's waist. His lips pressing soft kisses to Jimin's neck.

"I'm scared."

The whisper fell, almost inaudible, into Jimin's ear - Jungkook's breath brushing his cheek.

Jimin released a short and soft chuckle, a fondness swelling to fill his chest with warmth at the younger man's shy confession. "Why are you scared?" he asked back, gently. His own heart was pounding with nerves, but he didn't let on.

"I don't want to hurt you," Jungkook admitted.

"You won't," Jimin assured.

The assurance didn't keep Jungkook from being extra careful with Jimin. When he applied the purchased lube to himself and Jimin, he used a copious amount causing Jimin to smile into his pillow. The younger man was being overly cautious, taking a long time for preparation...but Jimin didn't rush him. He allowed his eyes to drift closed and enjoy the sensation and the care. The younger man's hand gently slid between his hips - tentative yet also firm and confident. Jimin could feel the strength behind his touch even while the other man touched him as if he was porcelain. As if he would break underneath his touch. Jimin sighed contentedly and was surprised to find water building behind his closed lashes - unspilled tears.

He gasped when he felt Jungkook's finger slowly enter him. And then another. He was already stretched, so he assumed Jungkook was just applying more lube inside for safe measure. It felt wonderful. Being cared for. Jimin lifted his hips, encouraging Jungkook to keep going. Letting him know he liked the feeling of him inside of him. A soft kiss fell against his cheek. 'God,' he thought. 'Please let my future lover make me feel like this.' The thought is bittersweet. He's saddened at the thought of never having another moment like this with Jungkook while his heart is soaring with an overwhelming feeling of warmth as the other man treats him like he's the most special thing he's ever held. He knows it has a little to do with the young man's own inexperience, but he relishes the gentleness all the same.

He finally felt Jungkook at his entrance. His heart pounded with anticipation and his hands gripped the sheets. "Are you ready, hyung?"

Jimin nodded. He was more than ready.

Jungkook pushed into him slowly and steadily. It was relatively easy due to the lube and Jimin's former preparation. Jungkook's eyes fell closed and a low moan left his mouth once he was all the way in. The feeling was...amazing. He glanced down to look at Jimin and knew he would imprint the sight on his memory. Jimin's face was gently pressed against the pillow, his blonde hair fanning out against the stark white of the freshly cleaned linen and the profile view he offered Jungkook was pulled into an expression of soft bliss. His eyes open but glazed, gazing out to the side as if he was seeing nothing and everything all at once. His full lips slightly open and pulled up into a gentle smile.

Jungkook stayed still until the almost imperceptible relaxing of Jimin's muscles told him he could move.

He undulated his hips slowly outward - the movement of his member encased inside of Jimin making his eyelids flutter closed - and then he pushed back in. Small, slow movements while both men got used to the feeling of dancing together beneath the sheets of their hotel room. Jimin marvelled at how good it all felt. To be filled with Jungkook, both physically and emotionally. A downward push of Jungkook's hips pushed against something inside of him that caused pleasure to shoot through his body and his hardened member to jerk against the pillow his hips were lifted against. A soft moan left his lips.

"Are you okay?" Jungkook asked.

"Yes," Jimin said with an abrupt nod. "Keep going. Please."

Jungkook's chest swelled with a feeling of pride at the breaks in Jimin's voice. He knew he must be doing something right. He continued the ministrations with his hips, gyrating in a circular motion. Using the sensuality years of dance practice had taught him to help aid his movements. He felt Jimin doing the same, pushing up against him with what little leverage he had. His hips gently bucking back to meet each of Jungkook's thrusts push for push until they were grinding together in a perfect and harmonious rhythm.

Jungkook's forehead fell against the nape of Jimin's neck. His hands gripped the sheets at either side of the other man's head. He wanted to live in this moment, make it continue forever. But his pleasure was building, and he knew he wouldn't be able to stretch time.

Jimin's hips began to move faster against him. He was being buried inside of the other man's heat over and over again. Drowning. Dying beautifully. A moan escaped him - short and high-pitched. Something he maybe would have been embarrassed by if it wasn't for the reaction it incited in Jimin. The other man groaned and raised his hips a little higher, grinding faster against Jungkook's thrusts. His breaths coming in quick and short pants now, Jungkook increased his pace. He felt himself drawing closer and closer to an orgasm that he so fiercely wanted but that he also wanted to hold off. To draw out this moment.

He placed his hand on Jimin's hip, stilling him. And then he pulled out.

Jimin whimpered at the loss and looked over his shoulder to try to read Jungkook's intentions.

Jungkook guided Jimin to turn onto his back and he pushed the pillow they had been using to prop Jimin up to the side. He didn't know whether it fell to the floor or whether it was just out of their way. He was too busy looking down at Jimin. He was between the other man's legs now, Jimin lying underneath him with his thighs open - his hardened member lying against his stomach. His eyes half-lidded and hazy. He looked beautiful.

If they were illuminated by anything more than moonlight, Jungkook would have been able to see the flush that came over Jimin's face as he lay beneath Jungkook's gaze.

As he looked down at the ethereal vision beneath him, Jungkook lamented. He lamented the fact that he and Jimin were idols. He lamented the fact that Jimin was a man. He lamented the fact that he was scared. He lamented the fact that he cared about any of that.

He entered Jimin once again, looking into his eyes.

The two men's fingers laced together, grasping into the sheets. Jimin gasped with each push of Jungkook's hips. Sinewy thighs pulled in tighter to the sides of the man moving above him. He savored the skin to skin contact, committing everything to memory. The way his hardened member was stimulated as it brushed against the younger man's abs as he gyrated against him and into him. How rhythmic Jungkook's breathing sounded in his ears as his short gasps matched the pace of his thrusts, the light gasps that broke through like a harmony atop an already glorious melody.

Jungkook was drowning in a pleasure he had never felt before. He found himself reaching his peak too soon. He didn't want it to end. He slowed his thrusts. Again.

Jimin knew what he was doing. He knew Jungkook was holding off the inevitable. And he was grateful for it. He stroked his hand down the younger man's back, painting the picture of how he felt on his memory so he could revisit the album.

Jungkook leaned down and they shared a kiss as he began to move again. Their tongues mimicked the actions of their lower bodies, melding and crashing together. They rocked together for a while, Jimin panting and mewling into Jungkook's ear. Nibbling when Jungkook hit that spot he had discovered. Jungkook kissing at Jimin's exposed neck at random intervals. The older man stretched beneath him willingly. Pliant and giving.

"Hyung," Jungkook whispered. His voice was heavy and low. Full of passion, desire, and...something else. Jimin thought he felt something wet against his cheek and he wondered if the younger man was crying.

Jimin felt his arousal, which was pressed between their two grinding bodies growing painful. "Jungkook," he whispered. It was time. "Don't hold back anymore."

Jungkook didn't resist. He turned and placed a kiss against Jimin's cheek before he lifted himself up onto his hands and began to thrust into Jimin more fervently. He watched the older man slowly begin to unravel beneath him. Clutching the sheets, his taut stomach rising and falling, his thighs clenching against his own. His hands coming to brush against the younger man's chest whilst throwing his head back against the pillows. His eyes rolling closed and his mouth opening and closing on low moans.

Sweat dripped down Jungkook's face as he gripped the older man's hips, going faster. Egged on by Jimin's pleasure. "Hyung~" he moaned. "Jimin hyung."

Jimin broke. His moans came out uninhibited as Jungkook's hips snapped against him and his name rolled from his lips. He gripped his penis in his hand and began to stroke himself with quick, deft movements.

Jungkook came apart at the sight. He moaned, and he became greedy. He threw Jimin's hand aside so that he could take up the job of stroking the other man off. 

A strangled groan left Jimin's throat and he closed his eyes tight. Jungkook knew he was about to come. He increased the power of his thrusts, causing Jimin to ride up a couple of inches on the bed. Jimin threw his hand up to protect himself from running into the headboard. "God," he groaned. His voice was barely understandable through his heavy breathing and the cracks. "Jungkook-ah. Coming. I'm coming."

Jungkook was too. He snapped his hips a couple of more times before he felt himself spilling into Jimin. It was a sensation that he would never forget. At the same time, he felt Jimin's semen spurt out against his hand and fall against the other man's stomach. He clenched his eyes shut tight and stayed buried deeply within Jimin for a couple of more minutes as he came down from his high.

Finally, he withdrew and fell to the side, next to Jimin.

They both just stared at the ceiling in silence for a while. In the aftermath. Getting their breath back. They had done it. They had really done it. And it had been good.

Jungkook felt nothing but...elation. And such ease that he felt as if he could sink into the bed and close his eyes in bliss for eternity. All of his muscles felt like ramen after it had been soaked in water for too long. Gooey, limp, and useless. He didn't want to move. And he didn't until he felt Jimin turning onto his side, facing him.

So he faced the other man as well.

He began to wonder...What if they didn't stop? Couldn't every night be like this?

Truthfully, Jimin was having the same thoughts. He felt his resolve from the past days weakening. He felt himself reverting back to that eighteen-year-old whose world stopped and started with the glances, words, and gestures of his younger friend.

But he was no longer eighteen. He had to think beyond his own wants and desires. It wasn't fair to Jungkook to stunt any personal experiences he might embark on if it wasn't for him being in the way. He had to allow Jungkook to grow, as he himself was trying to do right now.

He looked at the younger boy's face in the moonlight and his heart hurt. Jungkook wore a soft smile and an adoring expression. He knew then that the younger man loved him. Which made him more certain in his decision. He never should have allowed things to get to this point. Not when they were in the same idol group. Not when Namjoon was always preaching about the "familial" relationship they were all supposed to have. Not when this all started simply because Jungkook had been a reserved child discovering his sexuality. He stroked Jungkook's face and then reached for his hand. "Give me your hand," he whispered.

Jungkook obliged.

Jimin wrapped their pinkies together. "Let's make a promise." He stared into Jungkook's face, an open face that was willing to promise anything. "After tonight..." His heart dropped even before he spoke, breaking for the thousandth time that night. "We no longer do things like this." He saw Jungkook's face drop even in the limited light and he no longer had the courage to look at him. He looked away as he continued to speak. "We stick to what we agreed on. We keep this as a precious memory, and we don't speak of it. We remain hyung and dongsaeng. We don't let this affect the group; we don't let this become something awkward between us."

He risked another look at Jungkook's face. The other man was looking down at their linked pinkies.

Jimin continued, feeling as if he needed to offer further explanation.

"You deserve to grow and experience things. All of the things that a young man your age should." Jungkook opened his mouth as if he was going to speak, but Jimin continued. "You told me once that you weren't gay."

"I'm not," Jungkook said quickly.

"Then you deserve to be able to explore that," Jimin said. "And I know you. You won't do that if I'm always conveniently there. Right?"

Silence.

"So promise me," Jimin finished.

More silence. Jimin waited.

"...I promise," Jungkook finally said.

"Good," Jimin said, releasing a breath. Pretending he was okay. He would be okay. Eventually. Right? 

Jimin began to get up from the bed. Jungkook caught his wrist quickly. "Where are you going?"

"I should go back to my room," Jimin said softly.

"Can't you sleep here?" Jungkook asked.

"I don't think that would be a good idea," Jimin replied.

It took a moment, but eventually Jungkook let him go. Jimin released a breath and stroked his hand through Jungkook's hair. "Get some sleep, Jungkookie. I'll see you in the morning. And...thank you for tonight." He knew the words were insufficient but at the moment they were all he had. There was no way he could express what the last hour had truly meant to him. He didn't have the capacity.

Jungkook watched Jimin leave and didn't fully understand what he was agreeing to step away from until the next morning when he woke up with tears streaming down his face.