Jungkook's POV:
Jungkook opened his eyes in the morning and wanted to die.
Not because of the headache that was pounding behind his eyes and made it feel like he wouldn't be able to lift his head from the pillow underneath him but because he could remember everything he had done the night before. Everything. Including the fact that he had tried to suck his duo partner's penis.
He groaned, embarrassment washing over him, and turned to press his face into the freshly laundered pillow. The pillow only reminding him where he was. Whose house he was in.
He didn't want to step outside that bedroom door. He couldn't. That meant he would have to face said partner and friend.
Friend whom he had made out with.
Those images came back to him as well. Pressing his lips against Jimin's full, plush ones. They had felt just as good as he imagined they would...Not that he had imagined kissing his male friend. No. But if he were to have imagined it...yeah, they felt just as good as that. Better actually.
The kisses had been good. Natural.
Jungkook closed his eyes as he remembered how easily they had moved together, their natural rhythm as he kissed and Jimin responded to him. How Jimin opened his lips to accept Jungkook's tongue and the way he tilted his head to allow better access.
A small smile touched Jungkook's lips.
Jimin had kissed him back.
Jungkook sighed and opened his eyes.
“I like him,” he realized.
The words were out there. Spoken aloud into the calm and quiet of Jimin's guest bedroom. And everything stayed still. Nothing changed. Jungkook's heartbeat remained steady. It didn't speed up or stop. Instead, it felt like saying the words aloud settled something inside of him. It stopped the anxiety, frustration, and confusion that had become permanent emotions for him swirling beneath the surface.
“I like him,” he said again. “I like Jimin hyung.”
His thoughts went to his girlfriend. And the calmness he was feeling was overladen with guilt. How could he like someone else – another man at that – when he still cared about his girlfriend?
He picked up his phone from the nightstand and wasn't surprised when he saw that he had a couple of messages from her. She probably wished him good night and good morning. Something they usually did when they were apart from each other.
He opened the messages and responded back.
There was only one course of action he could see himself taking in this situation. It didn't matter whether he liked Jimin or not. He was committed to his girlfriend. He wasn't going to disrupt their relationship. Not for anything.
* * *
Jungkook looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, a toothbrush hanging out of the side of his mouth.
'I guess I'm gay now.'
“Huh,” he muttered.
The gay porn he had glimpsed came back into his mind and he shook his head quickly. “No, no. I'm bi at best. And I prefer women. Jimin is just an...anomaly. Just a blip on my radar.”
“Jungkook!”
Jungkook swung his head around as the bathroom door flew open. He gaped at Jimin standing there in a t-shirt and stylish sweatpants. He had no makeup on, his hair was messy, and he looked like he just woke up. Jungkook thought he was beautiful.
Jimin narrowed his eyes at him. “Is that my toothbrush?”
Jungkook pulled the toothbrush out of his mouth and gave it a closer look. “Oh yeah...It is.”
“That's gross! Make sure to throw it away when you're done with it.”
“Why?” Jungkook asked, putting the toothbrush back into his mouth and finishing with brushing his teeth. “I don't have anything.”
“Except cooties.”
“You weren't saying that when you were kissing me last night.”
Silence fell over the bathroom as Jungkook paused in the action of brushing his teeth.
'Oh shit,' he thought. 'Did I say that out loud?'
“...You remember what happened last night?” Jimin asked.
Jungkook avoided looking at Jimin. “Can we pretend I don't?”
“No.”
Jungkook finished brushing his teeth and quickly rinsed his mouth and the toothbrush out before he tried to step out of the bathroom, but Jimin blocked his path with a smirk on his face.
“Do you remember that you wanted to suck my dick?”
Jungkook's face filled with a red hue. “Hyung!” He pushed his way around the smaller man and heard Jimin laugh mischievously behind him. He knew then that he wasn't going to be able to just live this down.
“Now that you're sober I wouldn't refuse!” Jimin shouted after him as Jungkook rushed into the guest bedroom again and locked himself in. He wanted to sink into the floor and get swallowed by the core of the Earth.
* * *
Things only got worse after they were summoned to the company for an unscheduled meeting.
A picture lay in front of them on the conference room table inside the entertainment building. Both Jimin and Jungkook looked at it in confusion while the CEO and their managers and a few other staff members stood inside the room. The picture was an image of Jungkook and Jimin inside a van, Jimin snuggled up comfortably in his lap.
Jungkook knew what situation the image was from. He had woken up to find Jimin sleeping atop him and he hadn't wanted to disturb the other man so he just left him there. But he didn't know who had taken the photo or why. Well, he did know. The only other person who could have taken that particular photo was their driver, but again...he didn't know why.
“What is this?” Jungkook asked.
CEO Bang put his hands into his pockets as he stood and looked at them. “One of our temporary drivers sold this to one of his friends over at Dispatch and then he took off. Of course, we've signed a contract with Dispatch so they don't report anything without coming to us first so...that's why we're here.”
Jungkook furrowed his brow, still not understanding. “I don't get it,” he said. “What is there even to report?” Jimin had sat in his lap before. On camera. He didn't see anything strange or scandalous about the photo.
“Nothing from the picture alone,” Bang PD said. “But if an article about how you two were dating came along with it...”
Jungkook stared at their CEO in complete shock and disbelief. “What?”
“Here's the deal,” Bang PD started, getting to the point of why he called them there in the first place. “You two are doing well on the charts. You're right up there with some of the top kpop groups. But we wanna push you over the edge. And to do that, we need to have you guys stand out. To sell something different than what anyone else is selling in Korea.”
Jungkook was still confused.
But Jimin wasn't.
“Homosexuality,” he said.
Jungkook's head snapped in his direction. But he couldn't read the expression on Jimin's face. As usual, his eyes were covered by a large pair of sunglasses.
Their CEO pointed at Jimin. “Exactly.”
“A PR stunt.”
Bang PD must have heard the same hardness in Jimin's tone that Jungkook did because he reigned in his excitement in order to explain things in a more sincere tone. “Yes, a PR stunt,” the CEO admitted. “But don't think of it negatively. I don't know you guys' sexuality-”
“I'm straight.” Jungkook kicked himself for opening his mouth. He wasn't even sure if he was straight at this point. He assumed it was just habit and a kneejerk reaction at this point to announce how heterosexual he was. He pinched his lips together, thinking for the first time that maybe Jimin had been right all along in calling him an idiot.
“...O-kay,” PD Bang said. “Let me try this again. What I'm trying to say is...I know that, if you're straight, you may feel it's wrong to pretend to be something you're not when there are real people actually struggling with their sexual identity and you're only using it to try to make money off of it and I could see how you could find this insulting on the other hand as well...if you actually live that lifestyle. But don't just think of why we're doing it. Think of the positive things that can come from it. You both are very popular right now. If you do this, maybe Korea could become more accepting. Maybe little boys who like other little boys will start to feel more empowered simply because they see such cool celebrities representing how they feel. Maybe they won't feel they're so out of place anymore. If you could help even one person like that, wouldn't it be worth it?”
Jimin scoffed. His fingers trailed over the wood grain of the table as he spoke. “It's honestly despicable that you're trying to cover your greed for money and attention with all this fake preaching about how it can be for the greater good.”
Jungkook kept his mouth shut, thinking it best not to further stir the tension in the room.
“But...” Jimin said. “...You're not wrong.”
A smile lifted the CEO's lips.
“I'm not saying I'm agreeing to do this,” Jimin said quickly. “It wouldn't be fair for Jungkook to be stuck with this label. Who knows how long he would have to live with this? What if this works and we become more popular than we are now? What if we become superstars and interest in us never fades? Is Jungkook supposed to pretend to be gay for the rest of his life? And we still have to go to the military. Who knows how they'll look at us or treat us if we publicly come out as gay and then enlist?”
“It's all a risk,” the CEO said. “It's even more possible that your popularity will decline if we were to do this, but the potential reward is high.”
“The potential monetary reward. Nothing else.”
“Well, yeah...” the CEO conceded again. “But just think...this way, you'll go down in history regardless of what happens. The first Korean celebrity duo to publicly come out. Together.”
Jungkook watched Jimin's face twist. He could tell that Jimin wasn't fully pleased with this discussion. But then again, he probably wouldn't be either if an integral part of his identity was potentially being used as a gimmick. “If it came out that this was all just a ploy, we would be screwed,” Jungkook chimed in, backing Jimin up on the I'm-not-onboard train.
“There's no way it could come out as fake unless one of you said something,” the CEO said.
Jungkook realized the truth of that statement. No one could really claim they were lying about their sexuality unless they said they lied. And Jungkook knew if they actually went through with this, there was no way he would do that. Not unless he wanted millions of people around the world to view him negatively. He blinked with wide eyes. 'Wait. Why am I even considering this? It's ridiculous.'
“My parents would kill me,” Jungkook said, shaking his head. “And I have a girlfriend. I can't.”
Jungkook never imagined that he would confess to his boss about being in a relationship, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
The CEO sighed. “I understand,” he relented. “I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do. It was just a suggestion to merely...elevate you. But you guys are fine with where you're at so...That's fine.”
Jungkook turned to Jimin with a victorious expression, but he was surprised when Jimin didn't share in his satisfaction. He seemed to be deep in thought.
* * *
Jimin's POV:
Jimin thought back to how he felt growing up. How difficult he felt it would be to open up to people about what he was feeling inside. How different he felt and how he figured he must be one of the only homosexuals in his hometown, in the city, in the world.
It had sucked. It had really, really sucked.
If one of his idols had revealed themselves to be gay back then, he would have rejoiced. He wouldn't have felt so alone.
He found himself opening his mouth to speak in the conference room. “I'll come out.” A surprised silence fell over the room. Jimin glanced around, and he was sure the shock that was showing on everyone else's faces was a reflection of how he was feeling inside. He couldn't believe he was committing to this. But he also felt that it was the right move to make. “Publicly, I mean.”
The CEO quickly snapped out of his surprise. “You will?”
“Yeah,” Jimin said. “I mean...I won't pretend to date anybody, but...I don't mind telling my truth.”
CEO Bang got over the initial shock of Jimin's indirect coming out to him rather quickly. He was too excited that something might actually come of his wild idea. “Really?” he asked. “You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.”
Jimin nodded before he could change his mind. “Yeah,” he said. “I'm sure. There's truth to what you said about this being important for kids who may be struggling with their sexual identity. Even though your motive isn't entirely wholesome...mine is. So...yeah, I'm fine with it.”
CEO Bang clapped his hands together. “Great!” he said. “Let me get on the phone with some people and figure out the best way to spin this.” He turned to his assistant. “Get us in touch with all of the popular MCs. See who can schedule us the soonest. Try Yoo Jae Suk's people first.”
Jungkook was staring at Jimin with a gaping mouth. He was surprised. And worried. No famous idol of Jimin's popularity had ever publicly come out before. He wasn't sure how the general public was going to take the news. “Are you sure?” he asked Jimin.
“Yeah,” Jimin said with a shrug. “It's 2019. This shouldn't even be considered news anymore.”
Jungkook stared at Jimin with his mouth hanging open. He never thought Jimin looked cooler than in that moment.
* * *
Once the news came out, it spread like wildfire.
'Park Jimin Comes Out as Gay' an article so succinctly and bluntly read. And many more followed. There was nowhere on the internet or television one could look without running into news about Jimin's sexuality.
Bang PD was very satisfied. Right after the news dropped, Park Jimin's name was on everyone's lips, his music was streaming heavily on Spotify, and YouTube videos that feature Park Jimin were reaching a crazy amount of views. It was hard to tell what the initial overruling audience reaction was because everyone had an opinion and no camp was louder than the other. They were just all loud. They figured they would have to give it a couple of days to see the real effect this would have on them. But in the meantime, Bang PD was just enjoying the publicity. He even had an interview himself where he played the benevolent and accepting father figure of a CEO and said he only ever wanted what was best for his entertainers.
In that way, he positioned himself to become known as the most understanding CEO of an entertainment company. Meaning more talented trainees would come to him. Meaning more money.
Jimin tried not to become overwhelmed about what he had just done. He tried not to regret his decision. But that became hard to do when, not long after the announcement, everyone he had ever associated himself with started to be pulled into the news as well.
Of course Jungkook and Taehyung were two of the main targets.
The comments on Twitter were a good representation of the chaos:
'Wait. So is he really dating Kim Taehyung?'
'Park Jimin and Taehyung are banging. Omg. I don't blame them. They're both too good-looking to not bang.'
'I don't think he's dating Taehyung. Have you seen him and Jungkook together? I've suspected there was something there since the beginning.'
'Jimin has Taehyung on one hand and Jungkook on the other. What a gay king!'
'Do you guys remember that saesang that claimed she saw Jimin and the model, Ryu Won, kissing? In light of the current news, I'm starting to think that was true.'
'Ewww! I knew it! He's been trying to seduce Jungkook. Jungkook doesn't want him. Jungkook is straight and Jimin needs to keep his hands off of him.'
'Park Jimin might as well say goodbye to his career.'
* * *
Jimin tried not to listen to Jungkook's phone conversation in the van on their way back from a radio interview. Jimin had seen him fiddling with his phone and ignoring messages many times since the news became public. Now he knew why. Apparently, his mother wasn't happy.
“I can't come home, Mom. I'm under a contract. We would get sued.” His voice was low, an indication that he didn't exactly want Jimin to hear him.
Jimin shifted in his seat, trying his hardest to respect that fact since he didn't want to hear the conversation either. It was obvious Jungkook's parents were trying to get him away from the gay guy. Even if it meant possibly derailing their son's entire career. They probably didn't want their son contaminated. Jimin was beginning to understand where all of Jungkook's views on homosexuality came from.
“Seon Woo?”
Jimin tried really, really hard not to listen. But his ears perked up at Jungkook's questioning tone.
“Tell her I'll call as soon as possible. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Mom. Don't worry. I'm going to be fine. No!” He shot a glance Jimin's way before turning slightly in his seat as if facing his body away would keep Jimin from hearing his side of the conversation. “No, Mom. He's not trying anything.” He groaned. “This is awkward to talk about over the phone. I'm sorry. I'm hanging up, Mom. Sorry. Bye.” He quickly ended the call and turned his phone off.
An awkward silence descended over the van until Jimin spoke, deciding that avoiding the situation was more tedious than addressing it head-on. “Your mom thinks I'm trying to seduce you?”
“Uhh...Well, no-not-well...” Jungkook stuttered before giving in with a sigh. “I guess.”
Jimin chuckled wryly and shook his head. “Well, what do you think?” Jimin asked.
“Huh?”
“Am I seducing you?” Jimin asked with a teasing smirk.
A blush rose on Jungkook's cheeks and he turned his head to face the window instead of Jimin's gaze.
“Jungkook?”
Jimin was a bit surprised at Jungkook's reaction. He had been expecting a vehement denial or a “you wish”; he hadn't been expecting this.
Jungkook avoided his eyes for the rest of the ride.
* * *
The majority audience reaction soon became clear.
“They hate me,” Jimin surmised.
Online sentiments seemed to back up Jimin's assessment. On every social media page they had, negative comments had begun to outweigh supportive comments ten to one.
Jungkook chewed on his lip and glanced carefully at Jimin. The other man wasn't outwardly showing his emotions, but he saw the way Jimin's fingers nervously clutched the ends of his shirt as he sat in the conference room chair where they had begun all of these ridiculous plans in the first place.
“It's okay,” Bang PD said. “We anticipated this. The initial blowback. Your sales haven't been affected yet, and that's what matters.”
'To you,' Jungkook thought bitterly. He glanced down at his own leg, wearing a hole in the carpet from the way he was nervously bouncing it up and down. He quickly stopped when he realized what he was doing.
He was on edge. About everything.
“We're not going to slow down on promotions no matter what,” Bang PD continued. “If anything, we'll only push you out there more. Are you up for that?”
Jimin continued to fiddle with the bottom of his shirt, but he nodded. He was going to continue through with this.
“Can we have a week?” Jungkook found himself asking.
“What?” The CEO asked, interrupted by Jungkook's sudden question. Jimin was looking at him questioningly as well.
“A week...” Jungkook said. “Before we fill our schedules.”
“Why?” the CEO asked.
“I just...Everything is happening so fast.”
The CEO paused for a moment, thinking it over. “You can get a week off, but we have to push through with interviews for Jimin.”
“No, uh...no. I think Jimin should have time off as well. Before we really get deep into this. I mean...this is gonna be a whirlwind, right? He deserves a little time off. Before that. A week won't hurt.”
Jungkook felt Jimin's eyes boring into the side of his head.
“Is that what you want, Jimin?” the CEO asked.
“Uhh...” Jimin started. “Yeah. That would be nice I think.” Jungkook could feel Jimin's questioning eyes on him as he agreed.
* * *
Jungkook hadn't really had a real plan when he requested the time off. But as he sat in front of Jimin in the older man's apartment, he realized what he needed.
He needed to talk.
They both needed to discuss what was happening. Because, as things were, things were starting to feel slightly out of Jungkook's control.
“Um...Hyung...” His back was pressed against the armrest of Jimin's plush gray sofa while Jimin sat across from him at the other end. They faced each other.
“Yes, Jungkook?”
“Do you like working with me? Or...did you prefer being solo?”
Jimin blinked curiously and gave a slight tilt of his head. “Where is this coming from?”
Jungkook shrugged. “I was just wondering. You didn't want to work with me in the beginning. I was just wondering if that changed...”
“It has,” Jimin said quickly. “I like working with you, Jungkookie.”
“Okay...And I'm doing a good job?”
“Of course,” Jimin said. “You weren't known as the golden trainee for nothing.” He smiled softly. “What's wrong, Jungkook? Why are you asking all of this?”
“Because lately I've been feeling like...” Jungkook tilted his head, searching for the right words. “I've been feeling like I don't know exactly who I am or where I belong...I guess. Sometimes I feel like I'm a completely different person than the person I was back in Busan...”
“It's not a bad thing to change,” Jimin reassured Jungkook. “As long as you're happy with the person you're becoming.”
Jungkook pressed his teeth into his bottom lip and cast his eyes downward.
“...Are you?” Jimin asked.
Flickering his gaze back up to meet Jimin's, Jungkook answered honestly. “I don't know.”
“Well...What kind of changes are we talking about here?”
Jungkook's heart pounded in his chest, and he avoided Jimin's eyes. A slight tremor rushed through his hands, but he pushed the words that had been tormenting him probably since the first time he saw the other man through the barrier of his lips. “I'm attracted to you.”
A heavy and shocked silence hung over the room after Jungkook's quick and sudden confession. Jungkook still couldn't meet Jimin's eyes. If he did, he would have seen the surprise telegraphed there.
Jimin hadn't been expecting this at all. He had his suspicions that the other man had some attraction towards him, of course, but he never expected Jungkook to ever admit it. He had figured that they would just continue to dance around each other until the feelings on both their parts faded or until the tension became too thick that they had to cut off contact and avoid each other for the rest of their lives. He hadn't expected this...clear-cut honesty.
“...Oh...” he said.
He suddenly became aware of his hands in his lap, and he had no idea what to do with them. So he began to twist his fingers together and cleared his throat.
“I wasn't planning to tell you,” Jungkook said. “But it's just...been feeling like this shadow that's been hanging over me. And with everything that's happened and my mom's reaction...It made me realize just how much I can't see her side of things anymore...I feel distant from her. And I feel sad about it. But I also feel kind of...relieved? Like I'm waking up from some kind of fog. But then I also wonder if this is really me or if I go back to Busan, will I go back to being who I was? Maybe being apart from what I knew is the only thing that's causing me to change.” Jungkook sighed. “I'm having an identity crisis.”
Against his will, a chuckle escaped from Jimin's lips. He quickly clapped a hand over his mouth when Jungkook's affronted gaze pierced him. He had just been struck by his incurable disease of thinking everything Jungkook did was cute, and that apparently even extended to the little aggrieved pout Jungkook wore as he spoke about his problems. Jimin dropped his eyes down in shame.
“I'm sorry,” he hurriedly said. “I'm not laughing at you, I promise. Keep going.”
Looking a little suspiciously at Jimin, Jungkook carefully continued. “It's not just that way with my mom. Seon Woo and I...we had our whole lives together planned. But...I used to think about her everyday and now it's becoming harder and harder to remind myself to think about her...And I don't like that. I thought I loved her...think I love her...I don't know. Is all it takes a little bit of time apart to make me a bad boyfriend?”
Jimin thought carefully about what Jungkook was saying, making sure to keep his eyes on his hands so as not to lose himself in the cuteness of on Jeon Jungkook while said man was speaking to him about serious issues in his life.
“I think...” Jimin said. “That we never know who we truly are until we step away from the environment and the people we've always known. Sometimes you need to step away from people entirely and just figure out who you are on your own.”
“As for Seon Woo...I don't feel comfortable speaking about your relationship. I'm sorry.”
“It's okay...” Jungkook said.
“...I'm attracted to you too.”
A shy smile crawled onto Jungkook's lips. “...Okay.”
* * *
For the rest of the day, the two talked about what they would do if Jimin's public coming out continued to be taken negatively and their careers failed.
“I'll go solo,” Jungkook said easily with a shrug. Jimin shot a glare at him until he saw Jungkook's lips turn up into a smile, indicating that he was joking. “I'm just kidding,” he said. “I'll be your duo partner as long as you'll have me.”
Jimin cleared his throat, trying not to show how touched he was by that declaration. “No,” he said. “You were right the first time. You should go solo. It would be stupid to hitch yourself to a sinking ship when you still have potential to get bigger. Besides...if things get too bad, the company will probably start you on solo activities whether you wanted to do them or not. In case you haven't noticed, we don't have much freedom to just do whatever we want.”
Jungkook frowned. “Yeah, I guess...” Then his face hardened with resolve. “Okay, well, I guess that means we'll just have to succeed then. No matter what.”
He held his pinky out for Jimin to take, making a promise as they did the first time they met – the promise to be hyung and dongsaeng forever. Jimin smiled and linked his pinky with Jungkook's before stamping the promise with this thumb, making it official. When they leaned forward to seal the promise with a kiss to their digits was when things got awkward. Maybe it would have helped if they looked away as they leaned in, but they held gazes and the tension skyrocketed. The verbal admittance of their attraction to each other left things in a precarious position.
Jimin didn't know how he would handle this new transition to their relationship, but apparently, Jungkook didn't have those same hang-ups.
“Do you wanna make out?” he asked.
Jimin almost choked on his own saliva. “What?” he asked. “What? No, why, what?” He yanked his hand back to his side.
Jungkook's eyes flashed with determination. There was no shame or hesitation in his request. He pushed on. “We've already done it,” Jungkook said. “We might as well do it again.”
“We were drunk,” Jimin rebutted.
“Yeah, so it's a little fuzzy. And I wanna do it while I'm sober.”
“Why?” Jimin asked, avoiding Jungkook's eyes. “What about your girlfriend?”
Jungkook gulped and finally looked away from Jimin, the regret that was missing finally coming into his eyes. “I'm already a bad boyfriend. I've already screwed up. I'll...think of something.”
“Well...think of something first and then maybe we can make out,” Jimin said. He stood up from the couch and hurried off to make himself busy. “I'm going to take a shower and then read. Umm...You sleep in the guest bedroom.”
“Aww, hyung~!”
“Good night!” Jimin hurried off to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
Comments
Post a Comment